Software Update

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the
product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors
all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3,
Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,
crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0
in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
 
 I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't
work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
 
 Thanks,
 
 A Troubled User.
 
 
 REPLY:
 
 Dear Troubled User:
 
 This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.

 

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to
run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to
return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.

 

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because
Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.
 
 I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes, Dear" to alleviate
software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest
that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'!
(GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's monthly program
maintenance scan (PMS). 

 

You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur,
regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The
best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid
excessive use of  C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame
for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
maintenance.
 
 Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must,
however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
 
 WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.
 
 Best of luck,
 Tech Support